Hoodie

I have a confession to make. I am a Caucasian. As far as I know I am as Caucasian as they come. I have a Caucasian wife and two Caucasian children.

That's not my confession.

My confession is:

I own a hoodie.  OK, I own two hoodies. In fact, each member of my Caucasian family owns at least one hoodie.

Shocking, I know.  But each and every word of it is true.

We live in South Florida and it’s about 80 degrees outside these days so we're not wearing our hoodies this time of year. Although my son did wear one to school the other morning because they keep some of the classroom thermostats at a temperature cold enough to hang meat. He assured me that his wearing of his red hoodie that day was not related to anything to do with what may have taken place between Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman & the Sanford, Florida police department.

A brief pause to tell you all you need to know right now about what happened in Sanford, Florida:

1.  Trayvon Martin, while wearing a hoodie, was shot and killed by George Zimmerman. The police investigated the matter and decided against arresting and prosecuting Zimmerman.

2.  In the weeks following the shooting, allegations have been made that the police acted improperly. Keep in mind, allegations are not necessarily facts.

3.  Never forget that our legal system is based in our belief that you are innocent until proven guilty. This extends to the deceased, the shooter and the police.

4.  The allegations have received national attention. The State of Florida is now monitoring the investigation.

5.  At some point the investigation will come to a conclusion and the City of Sanford and the State of Florida will take action based on its ability to build a case against the guilty party or parties.

Everything else you are hearing is noise. This is another Fluking. (If you are unfamiliar with the term "Fluking" then read this.) The attempt by the Marxists to turn this incident in Florida into a national race relations debate is a diversion. It is part of their strategy to divide the country, to pit this American against that American. They are desperately attempting to get us to stop pursuing our goal of restoring the limited Federal government envisioned by the Founders of our country and the Framers of our Constitution. Don't be Fluked, be Focused!

This brings me back to the hoodie.

My high paid staff of researchers have determined that the hoodie was the invention of the Knickerbocker Knitting Company (KKC <---Pretty close to being a problem. The KKC is now known as Champion Products and is owned by Hanes.) The hoodie first made an appearance sometime in the 1930's, during the depression. To my knowledge, the hoodie was available for sale to all American citizens, all non citizens visiting America legally and all non citizens in America illegally, regardless of sex, race, color, creed, economic status, religion or sexual orientation. The hoodie appears to be as American as apple pie, baseball, jazz music, Don King and Larry the Cable Guy.

The hoodie is not part of a clothing manufacture conspiracy to identify the "bad guys." Geraldo Rivera climbed up another step on the who's the biggest fool ladder when he said: 

"I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin’s death as George Zimmerman was." 

This is exactly the kind of vile rhetoric that leads to a Marxist plan to make the hoodie extinct. It will start with a sin tax on hoodies. Next there will be laws banning hoodies in restaurants and bars followed a few years later by a no hoodies in the workplace ordinance. Stadiums and theme parks will be required to have designated areas for hoodie wearing patrons.  Hoodie chasing lawyers will seek out victims of hoodie related incidents and sue hoodie manufacturers, distributors and retailers for damages. 

The bottom line is if something is not done now, the hoodie will soon be gone. All that might remain will be a handful of them kept on display at some off the beaten path museum.

Therefore America, I am taking a stand today. I refuse to allow the hoodie to become a symbol associated with any one particular sex, race, color, creed, economic status, religion or sexual orientation. I will be a General in the defense of the War on Hoodies. I want to make sure that all Americans, all visitors to America and all illegal aliens are free to don their hoodies.

(Because it needs to said, I do not believe the owning of a hoodie is an inalienable right, nor do I believe that there is a constitutionally protected right to hoodie ownership. I would strongly object if there was a Federal individual mandate that required all Americans to buy a hoodie or pay a penalty if they do not buy a hoodie. I would also object to a Cash for Clunker Hoodies program as a way of stimulating the economy. And by no means should you have to register or license your hoodie through a national database.)

One of my two hoodies

This is an urgent call for urgent action. I implore you to join with me in the wearing of a hoodie. Go to your closet; take the hoodie off the shelf or hanger. Pull it down over your head (or put it on one sleeve at a time and then zip it up.) Once it is on, proudly pull the hood over the back of your head, then on to the top of your head and finally, give the drawstrings a little tug to adjust the snugness. Now smile. You have just completed a great American tradition. With your hoodie comfortably in place, put on some jazz music, grab yourself a slice of apple pie and thank God that America is still the land of the free, the home of the brave and the nation that had the ingenuity to invent the hoodie.