Go Rogue Mr. Prime Minister

Saturday, January 21st, 2012

The Right Honourable Mr. Stephen Joseph Harper, Prime Minister of Canada
Langevin Block
Ottawa, Ontario
K1A 0A2

Dear Prime Minister:

You recently received a letter from my best bird friend, @politijim.  While his letter was excellent, I believe it falls short of providing a timely solution to the Keystone Konumdrum.  We the People of the United States need oil in the worst way.  We need to find a way to build our pipeline regardless of our silly Presidential politics.

Mr. @politijim suggested that you give this once great country some time to replace our Teleprompter-Reader-in-Chief with a real Commander-in-Chief.  He believes, as do I, that when that happens the pipeline will get built.  However, I don’t think either of our countries can afford to let this project sit idle for a year.  I am suggesting to you, and by copy of this letter to the Governors of the States of Montana, South Dakota, Oklahoma and Texas, that we begin construction immediately.

Prime Minister Harper, if you seek to sell oil, if you seek prosperity for Canada and the United States, if you seek conservatism: Come here to our border!  Mr. Harper, open the gate-way to your oil!  Mr. Harper, tear down Obama and let’s build a pipeline!

It’s time to Go Rogue Mr. Prime Minister! 

While on the surface this may seem like a very radical action, I can assure you it is not.  Our nation is currently in the process of being fundamentally transformed.  What we once thought of as our unalienable rights are now a few laws away from being erased forever.  Some actions that we thought were legal are now illegal and other actions that we thought were illegal are now being allowed without prosecution.  Not since the days of the Wild Wild West has lawlessness been so well protected. 

As you are well aware, our country has done very little to control the flow of activity across our southern border.  Every hour of every day there are multiple pipelines of people, drugs, guns, criminals, terrorists & who knows what else, streaming into the USA.  Every State that tries to toughen up its laws to stem the flow of illegals is served with a law suit by our Golfer-in-Chief.  Why should we treat our Canadian border any differently?  To do so would be racist, right? With the importing of your oil having been deemed unwelcome that is the signal to begin “sneaking” it in. (Wink, wink.)    

I see no down side to Canada by beginning this project now.  As @politijim so brilliantly detailed, outside of an act of war, your relationship with our country couldn’t get any worse.  By the time the Obama administration figures out we have begun this project, if they actually do figure it out, our Campaigner-in-Chief will be busy trying to get re-elected, leaving him insufficient time to direct his “laser like focus” on stopping the Keystone Pipeline. 

To the Governors of the States which this pipeline will pass through, it is time to rid the toxins from the ground along the route of the Keystone Pipeline.  Yes, the contamination is leaking into your water systems and is causing a rise in ratings for MSNBC.  It must be cleared now before it infects the whole nation.  Once you have removed the contaminated soil you will need to bury many pipes, the specs for which will follow soon.  These pipes will prevent any further contamination to any other soil.  Note that is very important that these pipes be connected using the best leak proof products available in today’s market. We don’t want anything to get inside them.

Mr. Prime Minister, I am sure you are concerned about what the fallout would be if the press catches wind of what we were doing.  Please don’t worry about this. The media in our country works for our Liar-in-Chief, spewing on his behalf more nonsense than there is oil in your city of Hardisty.  No one with any real intelligence takes what our media says seriously.  (In fact, some of the best journalism about the United States comes from websites based in Canada.)  So if the press finds out and if they call you, just tell them you’ll talk after our Food-Stamp-Provider–in-Chief provides a real birth certificate, an explanation for his social security # and releases his college transcripts.

Another concern you might have is will the President stop the flow of oil by capping the pipeline?  He might try, but we are not very good at it.  We couldn’t cap the leaking oil well in the Gulf.  We keep blowing through our spending cap like it is monopoly money.  And all of our ball caps are made in other countries. 

(There is one thing that we have become good at capping, our economy.  Our Vacationer-in-Chief has every Marxist Czar working in our government placing its proverbial “boot on the throats” of capitalism, free enterprise and the rights of the individual.  His decision to not allow the building of the Keystone Pipeline is part of his “Boot on the Throat” policy.)

My little bird friend, @politijim, offered your country something for your trouble.  I would like to sweeten the pot.  In addition to all that has been offered, how would you like for Canada to be the country at this year’s Summer Olympics to win the most medals?  Just say yes and we will arrange for O Canada to be the most played song in London this summer.

Please contact me with any questions or concerns.  We’re ready to roll when you are.

With All Sincerity,

@GenericRepublican

A Generic United States Citizen

cc:

Governor Brian D. Schweitzer
Office of the Governor
Montana State Capitol Bldg.
P.O. Box 200801
Helena MT 59620-0801

Governor Dennis Daugaard

Office of the Governor
500 E Capitol Ave
Pierre, SD 57501

  

Governor Mary Fallin

Oklahoma State Capitol
2300 N. Lincoln Blvd., Room 212
Oklahoma City, OK 73105

Governor Rick Perry

Office of the Governor
P.O. Box 12428
Austin, Texas 78711-2428